I Won't Be Broken
by Anna Katharyn
Summary: After the dark war, the extinction of shadowhunters is near. The mortality rate of mundanes ascending is almost one hundred percent, leaving many dead and none to replace them. Because of this, a new law is passed. Every shadowhunter ages sixteen through twenty must marry and start a family for the sake of the population. And that was how Alana found Clary and Jace's son, Matthew.
1. Broken

**A/N: I know this is a really short beginning, but I hope you guys like it. I usually get ahead of myself and make the story go way to fast when I make longer chapters especially for the first chapter. **

**Let me know how you feel about this story, and as I always say, constructive criticism is extremely welcome. **

**By extremely welcome, I mean I'm begging for it . . .**

**Just kidding.**

**I do not, in any way, own The Mortal Instruments.**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

"Ms. Nightwine?" The woman in front of me said, waving a manicured hand in front of my face. I glared at her, crossing my arms to show that I wasn't happy to be here.

"Do you feel you would be suitable to have a child?" She asked loudly, as if she had spoken a different language that I couldn't understand. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Are _you _suitable to have a child?" I retorted, looking her over to make her feel uncomfortable.

She cleared her throat noisily. "Well, I'd like to think so. It'd be an honor to save shadowhunters from extinction." I felt bad for any person who had the misfortune of being the blonde bimbo's child.

I doubt she'd even know how to _have _a child, much less feed and take care of it.

"Miss, will you answer my question?"

I slowly uncrossed my arms and looked her straight in the eye. "I feel pity for any child born to me, actually. It depends what kind of suitable you're talking about, though. I can _have _a child, but I won't."

"Well the orders from the clave say as long as our numbers are low, everyone from sixteen to twenty years old must be married and have a child within the time it takes them to turn twenty," she hissed with a sneer on her face.

I took a slow look around the interview room. She seemed to get irritated by every passing second that I didn't pay attention to her questions, and I _enjoyed _that. It was better than getting asked if there was anyone I particularly wanted to be married to or if I was infertile.

I was pretty sure she wanted me to pick someone or something. She had already determined that my husband had 'better be blonde, because blonde hair with my blue eyes would look great on a child'. Apparently, not only did the Clave want children reproducing, but they also wanting them having _pretty _kids.

She waved her hand in front of my face again, ripping me away from my thoughts.

I _really _wanted to rip that hand off of her arm.

"I've gotten your results back, and you've been paired with Matthew Herondale," she said, closing her computer and pushing it away from her. She wiggled her eyebrows, her attempt at lightening the situation.

"He's a blonde."

"Screw you," I replied, flipping her off. She opened her mouth slightly, before rushing out of the room.

That lady irked me to the point of no return.

_ Her name is probably Hilda. That name annoys me even more than her._

I'd have to call her that next time I saw her dreadful face.

I looked up at the speakers, confused, as they let out a high-pitched scratchy sound that hurt my ears. My mouth opened up until it was as round as a tomato when I heard the words, "Alana Carissa Nightwine, please make your way to the main room. Your betrothed's family is here to take you home."

They had _arranged _for them to be here? But I'd just gotten my match . . .

"It was already decided," I whispered, my lips trembling with the horror of the situation. I was an _item _to them already. I was another pawn in their game- this whole thing wasn't rebellion. The game's outcome was already decided for me before _I'd _decided for me.

I numbly made my way out into the hall, desperately grasping for anything to tell me the new law was a dream. No arranged marriages were being ordered, no arranged _births._

I took a deep breath, making sure my lips had stopped trembling and my facial expression was as confident as always before walking into the room with my head up.

This arranged marriage thing sure as hell _wasn't _going to break me. That was a promise.

The family that stood in the main room was inhumanly beautiful. The middle aged woman had a delicate air about her I doubted I'd ever be able to muster. She had long and curly dark red hair, and even from my spot across the room, I could see vibrant green eyes peeking out from under a few stray strands of hair. She was dwarfed by the men that flanked her, which made her look even more fragile.

An older blonde man, who I'd assumed was her husband, had vibrant honey curls. Even though he had an air of wisdom about him, he looked timeless. He still looked like a twenty year old, even though I was fairy sure he was much older.

Age had definitely passed the couple by, and they were definitely lucky for that.

Lastly, I looked at the boy who I automatically thought of as the 'forced fiancé'. He looked just like the older blonde man, except for the fact that I could see vibrant green eyes peeking out from under his eyelids. The older blonde man, although I couldn't see his eyes as clearly as the others, had eyes that seemed a light brown color.

I mustered to smile a little bit at the couple's son, who lightly said, "So you're my fiancé for the rest of my life? At least you're cute." The statement earned him a smack on the back of the head from the redhead.

The woman stuck her hand out, "Nice to meet you . . . Alana is it? I'm Clary. Jace is my husband, and Matthew is my son," she said, her voice so soft and comforting it made my muscles loosen from their tensed state. "I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances, but we have to take to the institute. The Clave wants you to get all new stuff- nothing from home."

I shook her hand slowly, trying pretend this didn't affect me in any way. I couldn't though soon and found myself clenching my fist behind my back where nobody could see it.

"It's Lana, Clary," I said through gritted teeth. "And I'm sorry too. Arranged marriage and forced motherhood with your son- or anybody for that matter- isn't exactly what I had planned for my future."

"But I'll take what I got. So Jace, Clary, Matthew," I continued, sighing. "It's nice to meet you."

* * *

By the time we got to the institute it was about five o'clock. I was grateful to be away from the interrogation center and all the people there. All the attention and looks I was getting were starting to make me extremely nauseous.

By extremely nauseous, I meant I was ready to throw up _all _over Matthew's shoes.

Not a good feeling, by the way.

I ended up being so tired I barely remembered anything until the time I was in bed. I had slipped on a white tank top and some pajama shorts that I assumed were Clary's. They fit me well, so they must have been too long for her.

I had pulled my light brown hair into a bun at the top of my head and taken my contacts out at some point in the afternoon, too. The bed I was laying in was fairly comfortable, but not as comfortable as the orphanage beds were.

I found it strange I was missing the orphanage now, but at least I knew people there.

_You'll be just fine. You've always been fine, no matter what life has thrown at you._

I let a tear slide down my cheek before deciding I would be fine here. I could _mak__e _myself fine, one step at a time, no matter how long it took. No matter what, Lana Nightwine could _not _be broken.

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**Like it? Hate it?  
****Do you like Lana so far?****Is this story going too fast?**

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**Toodles,  
Anna**


	2. Acting

**A/N: I do not own The Mortal Instruments in any way, shape, or form. **

**I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

The next morning, I woke up more refreshed than I had been in a long while. I rolled over onto the other side of my body, not quite ready to get up yet.

So when I saw green eyes staring at me, I didn't have the best reaction.

"Shite!" I screeched, throwing my hand at whoever was in front of me. The intruder grunted as he hit the ground from the force I had slapped him with.

I peeked over the side of the bed and gasped as I saw the blonde curls peeking out from the side of my bed. "Christ, Matthew," I said, breathing hard. "You scared me."

I swore I heard him growl at me.

"Sorry that I hit you . . . want me to kiss it to make it better?" I asked with a smirk spreading across my face.

He slowly made his way to a standing position. I could barely see that he was taking deep, calming breaths to stop his face from turning red. He closed his eyes before turning to me.

"I was just _checking on you_," Matthew hissed through his teeth.

"By kneeling by my bedside and watching me? Did you _really _think that was a good idea?" I asked, standing up and crossing my arms. "I could have done much worse if I had my seraph blade with me."

He looked mildly flustered, as if he couldn't come up with words to say.

"Let's just go down to breakfast," he finally said after a long pause. I lagged behind him as if I was his shadow, crumpled and dark. "My parents won't be at breakfast with us. They went to Taki's with my family."

I nodded.

The institute was like a maze with a turn at every corner, until finally we reached a plush looking kitchen.

I sniffed quietly, and practically _drooled. _There was bacon sitting on a white plate in the middle of the counter!

Holy freaking mother of the angel, I officially _loved _this family.

I barely stopped myself from jumping at the plate before realizing I was at somebody else's home.

"Can I?" I breathed to Matthew, who merely shrugged.

"Go ahead."

I then proceeded to very _gracefully _eat the bacon on the plate.

Just kidding, I ate like a pig.

Oh, the irony of that comparison.

I had just noticed Matthew staring at me as I greedily licked my fingers to rid the grease from my fingers.

"You wanted some?" I asked, wiping some excess grease on my tank top. He smirked at me, his gaze not once wavering from me.

"If you had given me more than thirty seconds to ask you, I might have."

"If you had asked before I started eating, maybe you would've got some," I snapped, spinning the chair around to face him completely. He snorted, mirroring my cross-armed stance.

"That's what she said," he replied, laughing. I couldn't help but let my serious stance waver and laugh along with him.

"You're immature," I said, trying to contain my smile.

"Says the girl who laughed harder than me."

After finally managing to contain my smile, I stood up and turned to face him. "So . . ."

He frowned, looking me over. "What?"

"About this marriage thing . . ." I started, trying to keep the situation as calm as possible. He had mixed expressions. First, he had no emotion, but that slowly turned into something ugly and desperate. He looked almost _angry_.

And he was looking right at me with that deadly expression.

"The law is hard, but the law is the law," he replied, his tone deathly calm. I was almost _scared _at how quickly he had turned from an inappropriate, average seventeen year old kid, to a violent intentioned man.

I backed away from him until I felt the metal-backed legs of the swivel chair hit the backs of my knees.

He slowly came forward until I was uncomfortably pressed between the counter edge and Matthew's chest. His arms were set firmly on either side of me. "I will _never _like you in the slightest. We can _pretend _like the ridiculous little house games you probably played as a child, but you'll never be loved by me," he scoffed, turning his head away in disgust. "You're nothing to me. We'll get married, have children, and go our separate ways."

I was in silence, my lips trembling. I thought he would be nice, caring, and charming by the way he had acted from yesterday to earlier today. I thought I'd be okay . . .

But I _clearly _was not.

With a new found strength, I suddenly pushed him as far away from me as my arms would allow. I couldn't think . . . I couldn't breath. I knew this was the symptoms of an oncoming panic attack.

I'd had a panic attack once as a kid, and it wasn't fun. I was rushed to a warlock to make sure I survived the panic attack. It turned out to be very serious as a result of the asthma I hadn't found out about until the warlock diagnosed me.

I held my throat as I ran, desperately wanting to sob as loud as I could. My throat was clenching and unclenching as if it was saying, _P__ick one Alana. Life or death._

When I finally had ran far enough, I sunk down the floor, my back resting against the wall. I wheezed slowly, trying to force some more air into my slowly loosening throat.

"Why did I have to be paired with him?" I whispered quietly, letting tears roll down my face in big drops. "I hate him, and I've only been here a day and a half."

I sat there for a long while, just thinking. It was something I hadn't been able to do since leaving the orphanage a few months ago. For once, there was time to just stay and think of the pros and cons of my situation, no matter what it was.

Pros: I'll get a good home. Clary seems nice enough, and was acting king of like a mother figure. Jace didn't seem so bad.

Cons: Matthew is a complete and utter arse. I'm being forced into marriage. I'm being forced to have children. I got taken away from my orphanage family and my best friend Lisel.

I was fairly sure the cons had outshone the pros.

I brushed a hand through my hair. I was sure that it had become gnarled after not brushing it today.

In the middle of putting a hand through my hair, I heard a small voice.

"Alana- shite. Lana!" It was Clary.

I momentarily contemplated not answering her calls.

"Lana!" She called again, her voice stronger this time.

But then I decided I wouldn't be able to make my way out of the halls without some help from Clary. I was glad it wasn't Jace, since I was almost positive he'd comment on how ratty I looked and ask why. Clary knew how shadowhunter girls were- tough as hell on the outside. They didn't want to be asked about what was on the inside.

"Clary, I'm next to the-" I started lowly, taking in my surroundings. There was a weapons storage next to where I was sitting. "Weapons room."

I felt mildly relieved when she rounded the corner, her red hair waving behind her.

"Oh Lana . . ." she whispered when she saw my tear-stained face. She quickly changed the angle of her words when I gave her a look that said _don't pity me. _"We need to get you some new clothes."

"I have a friend named Izzy . . . she is Jace's sister. She loves shopping. If you're up to it, we could all drive up too New York City and shop for a bit," she continued as if she wasn't concerned in the slightest.

I forced a smile onto my face and made my way into a standing position. "I'd like to shop with you and Izzy," I said, interrupting her rant.

"Are you sure?" She asked skeptically. "You don't look so good. . ."

And there was concerned Clary again.

I tried my hardest not to glare at her as I said, "I'm _just _fine."

She sat next to me quickly as I started to cry, my tough exterior wavering. I sobbed into her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around me, rubbing my hair with her hand.

"It's going to be okay, Lana. It'll all be okay," she murmured, her hand stroking the back of my hair soothingly once again. I let another sob rip out of my throat, the seriousness of everything coming back to me.

_I really hope you're right, Clary. I really do._

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**Toodles,****Anna**


	3. Jace's Purple Vein

**A/N: Hey guys. I'm going to try to update as much as possible before school starts to get this story off to a good start, so the chapters are only going to be from 1,000 words to 1,600 words. This one is exactly 1,003 excluding the authors note. The authors not will not be included in the word count from now on.**

**Every review I get makes me want to write more and more guys, and I thank my wonderful reviewers: _lovelydreams98, Lian4, Guest, and MySwagg5050._**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments in any way, shape, or form. I only own Matthew, Lana, and any other OCs that make their entrance into the story.**

* * *

"So Clary . . ." I asked quietly as her, Izzy, and I made our way down the streets of New York. "When do you guys go demon hunting?"

I could almost _hear_ the cheshire cat smile that spread across Izzy's face as I said this. I had figured out by now that, even as a middle aged woman, Izzy was as spunky as a teen. Clary had told me sometime during the night that her room was still covered with pink and glitter in attempt to make me laugh.

I only laughed when she said her best friend, Simon, didn't really have a problem with the face he constantly had a pink room. He was most certainly the most whipped guy I had ever heard about.

Heck, _I _wouldn't even sleep in a pink room. Even if the angel had ordered it.

Although I was pretty sure Raziel would hate pink, also . . .

Izzy waved a hand in front of my face and I quickly broke from my thoughts. She suddenly reminded me lots of Hilda the blonde bimbo, with her manicured nails waving in front of my eyes.

"We're in New York City. If you stop in the middle of the sidewalk like that, you might as well be looking to get yourself trampled or mugged," she said, smirking at me and crossing her arms.

"I might enjoy that. It'd be more action than I've gotten the last few months," I replied, mirroring her stance.

She smiled as she started to walk towards a store with a sign labeled 'Sarai's Sweet Lies'. She turned, just for a minute, to smile and reply, "We go hunting tonight. I'm sure you'll want to come . . ."

I grinned at Clary. I hadn't been hunting in weeks- _months _even. It was starting to make hungry for the adrenaline boosts and thrill it gave me every time I killed a tough demon . . .

But I could wait, as long as it was only until tonight.

After the news, I cheerily followed Isabelle into the store.

* * *

When we'd gotten back from shopping, I plopped down on my bed immediately. Who knew _bags _could be so heavy?

I apparently didn't, because I had bought tons of new stuff on Clary's command.

After hours of my arms aching like crazy, I had finally regretted that.

I was pretty sure the saying "shop until you drop," was partially based off a real shopaholic. That could have been a memoir, hell _I _could have written a memoir about shopping from all the wisdom and internal injuries I had gotten. I could imagine it now, 'Confessions of a Dead Shopper' or more likely 'Confessions of a Hospitalized Shopper.'

Maybe that'd warn the girls who bought loads of clothes all the time that the side affects were varying, some cases including fatality.

I snorted at the thought of some fashionable girl dropping dead after hours of shopping.

Someone _really _should have given me a comedy show.

I laid in silence until the rumbling of my stomach reverberated through the room. I slowly got up, shuffling into the hallway.

"Which way was the kitchen again?" I mumbled to myself, confused by all the hallways leading off of my room. After contemplating whether to go left or right, I decided to take a left into the next hall.

I sighed in relief when I found the kitchen to be at the end of the hallway I had chosen.

I padded down the hallway until I got into the kitchen. As the lights turned on in the room I jumped back, instantly getting into a stance that I often used for battle.

I slowly straightened from my position, before realizing they had motion sensors.

"Young shadowhunter has heart attack from lights turning on unexpectedly," I mumbled. "Nice one, Lana."

I didn't hesitate to grab an apple from the inside of the fridge before something else scared the shite out of me. When Clary told me the kitchen was open all the time, why didn't she tell me about their freaky motion sensing lights?

She probably wanted to see my reaction. . .

Skank.

After a long conversation with myself, I took a big bite out of the apple. I sighed in relief as the juices hit my tastebud. I hadn't had anything _this _good in ages.

The interrogation center had crappy food, a certain _someone _ruined my bacon, and the fruit at the orphanage was mostly too ripe or rotten.

But this apple was absolutely perfect.

And by perfect, I mean the second I went to take another bite, I heard someone say something to me. I sighed and set the apple on the counter.

_Herondales. Ruining meals since the 1800's._

"Jace," I said, plastering a small smile on my face. "What'd you want?"

"We're going hunting. Clary made me come get you."

"_Made you?_" I asked incredulously. "You couldn't just come willingly?"

"I don't particularly like immature seventeen year old girls, so no. I couldn't," he answered, his eyes narrowing at me. Why the hell were the guys in this family so pessimistic?

"Like father like son," I spit out, glaring at him.

He narrowed his eyes at me, his mouth opening to retort. I stuck three fingers up in a sideways motion until he closed his mouth, clearly confused by my actions.

"Read between the lines," I said slowly, putting down the two on the sides of my middle finger and sticking it in his face. I was surprised he didn't blow a gasket when a little purple vein popped out near his temple.

I held back a laugh as I stalked past him, my hunger forgotten completely. I wanted the hunt that I was promised, and I wasn't going to let anyone ruin my first trip in months this time or any time.

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**Did you like this chapter? If you did, please don't hesitate to tell me. **

**If you disliked this chapter . . .  
Still don't hesitate to tell me. Rants and criticism help me write better!**

**Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this chapter!**

**Toodles,  
Anna**


	4. Truce

**A/N: Is there anything my dear readers would like to see more of? I am really excited to write a little bit more about Lana's past life and get more into her future life. Marriage, first, will be making its entrance into the story fairly soon, since I'm the law has minor parts in the story so far. Then kids after I develop Lana into an actual character and have lots more chapters.**

**Chapter words: 1,319 not including the A/N(s).**

* * *

"Why can't I do something on my own?" I huffed to Simon. I had only met him a couple of hours ago and I already loved his attitude.

Simon was a middle-aged man who ran a band that was currently called the Platitudinous Coves. He had glasses that covered a distance around his curious brown eyes that made him look like a young child, even though he was clearly older. His tan skin and brown hair made him have the looks of the boy next door.

I could _definitely _see why Izzy had fallen in love with him.

He shrugged, making me huff in anger.

"The head demon-slayers order it," he answered me, smiling. "And blondie over there isn't particularly happy with you . . . he's probably laying it on extra thick."

"But red over there," I pointed to Clary. "Loves me. So I'll get her to lay it on extra light."

He shrugged once again. I momentarily wondered if he was just shrugging every two seconds or he was doing an exotic dance workout.

"Go ahead and try."

I tried desperately not to chuckle as he shrugged again.

He was _definitely _doing an exotic dance workout.

I shook my hair down in a curtain on the side Simon was on to spare myself the embarrassment of being asked what I was laughing about.

When I'd finally controlled my laughter, I walked to the front of the group and kept stride with Clary.

"_Clary-y-y-y?" _I asked, stretching out the last syllable to gain her attention.

She curiously turned her gaze to me. "Yes?"

"Can I _please _hunt without someone else's help? I'd really appreciate-"

"No, Lana. You can't get hurt . . . the Clave wants nobody subject to the new law unable to have children," she replied, her voice stern. I huffed in anger. Did she really have to follow the Clave's every little rule? Hell knows I never did, and neither did many other shadowhunters.

"Who says I'll be injured specifically in my stomach?" I asked coolly. If it was anybody else, I would have probably made a snarky remark and pushed past them.

Clary was too kind and motherly to be mean to . . . even if she was annoying as hell at times.

She simply crossed her arms. "_No_, Lana."

"But-"

Matthew, who had just now appeared next to Clary answered for her. "_No_."

Excuse me, who up and made him the boss of me?

Clary could tell me no, but had no right to tell me _anything _to do.

"Ass," I mumbled, highly tempted to give him my precious middle finger. He glared at me, clearly hearing what I had said.

I took a look at Clary, who was oblivious to what I had said to her son.

Thank goodness.

I gave him an identical glare and suddenly felt like a second grader. Glaring, trash talking, and repeating swears they've heard from their parents.

I was doing all of those things.

He was just so rude. I couldn't except that someone like him was being rude to someone like me. People were usually scared of my glares-

But this family wasn't.

They weren't normal . . . I couldn't intimidate them. I couldn't use snarky remarks to stop them from being snarky back. I couldn't find a way to get inside of their heads and read their emotions-

I screamed as something started to tug on my arm. It was a slimy hand- not human in the slightest way. I yanked my arm away and lashed out my arm at whatever it was, trying to create a diversion.

I slightly opened my mouth as I saw I had lagged behind the rest of the group. They were ahead- they couldn't hear me or see that I was under attack.

I dropped to the ground as the thing came lunging above my head, it's hand just grazing my long curls.

Note: Hair should _really_ be put in a ponytail next time I decide to get attacked.

The face wasn't clear to me . . . If I could only see the face of the thing I could defend myself better and know what to avoid-

I felt a sharp pain next to the strap of my tanktop. Gasping, I desperately tried to push the thing of the top of me- multiple arms were touching me-

And then the weight was suddenly off of me. I gasped in breath. It hadn't occurred to me I had been out of breath- of course until something else landed on top of me.

"You shouldn't have been behind us," Matthew breathed, clearly out of breath. I wasn't really listening to what he said next because of the fact I was blushing like crazy at our position.

He was on top of me his arms on either side of my head. I tried desperately not to have any thoughts about-

_Ugh!_

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"Very."

"Too bad."

He stayed in his same position until I pushed him off, highly tempted punch him as hard as I could.

The ass really deserved it.

I tried not to glare as he stuck his hand out to me. But I took it anyway and pulled myself up.

"Thanks . . ." I said awkwardly.

"Your welcome," he mumbled as he started to walk the direction his parents and the others had went.

No matter how much I hated the guy, he was a good person inside. I knew it . . . but I was pretty sure he didn't.

And I was absolutely determined to break that cold heart of his.

I quickly ran after him, calling, "Wait up!"

He had an annoyed look on his face as he turned to look at me. "Truce?" I said slowly, holding a hand out. "I'll never like you, you'll never like me. So we'll make an agreement. Can we at least be civil?"

He seemed torn at my change of attitude. Slowly, he reached his hand out and shook mine.

"We can try, but don't be expecting me to be your best friend."

"I won't be your best friend, I'll be your wife."

"Tramp," he said coolly, but I could see he was clearly irked by my response.

"Ass," I replied, smirking.

"Smile for the cameras?" He asked tentatively. I wanted to think he was joking- that I didn't hear just a little bit of gentleness in his voice.

Just enough so he could hear, I whispered, "Action."

And we definitely weren't holding hands and walking into the sunset, but we weren't glaring at each other either, which was definitely an improvement.

By the time we'd gotten back, Clary was already in my face giving me a small lecture about how I might have been seriously hurt and she would have had to bury a girl that was under her care and she'd gotten close to.

The only thing I took from her ranting was for how small she was, she had an extremely loud voice.

And when she continued, I wanted to scream at the redhead. I looked wide-eyed back at Simon and quickly mouthed two words. _Help me._

He cleared his throat, gaining Clary's attention as well as Jace's and Isabelle's. "Clary, you're going to wake up the whole _residence _of Hotel Dumort." he quieted, her eyes looking around at her surroundings. I followed her eyes until I met writing on a sign that said _Dumont. _The 'n' didn't look right-

I laughed. Hotel Du_mort. _

I was guessing this was the vampire "apartment building" I'd been hearing about. Otherwise, the sign probably wouldn't be reading _Hotel of Death. _

Those were some very corny, but very witty vampires.

Probably violent too.

Which was why I _kind of _wanted to get out of the area as fast as possible.

"I heard about some rogue vampires roaming around here. They're killing a bunch of mundanes," Izzy said loudly, looking at us for approval.

_No. No. No. No._

Vampires give me the shivers way too much. Even if they _do _make up the best word plays.

I held my tongue when everyone started to agree.

_Calm, Lana. Calm._

I never got this worked up about anything- my heart was pounding like a hammer. By the angel, something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

And then everything went black.

* * *

**I'm desperately trying to update everyday up until school starts in six days, but I have half of a book and some notes to finish. But nevertheless, I'll be writing as much as possible to try to update for you guys :)**

**Thanks to my reviewer last chapter: _MySwagg5050.  
_And thanks to all my followers, who, I hope enjoy this chapter.**

**Constructive criticism is always welcome guys, just put any thoughts about the story in the review box!**


	5. Fling

**Sorry, I have recently switched to playing on my school's volleyball team and we have practice every school day . . . It's really hard to find time to update, read before school starts in a couple of days, and take notes. **

**Not to mention I left the book at a friends house . . .**

**Moving on.**

**The chapters about 1,630 words not including the authors note, just in case you wanted to know.**

**Oh! And I'm working in a collaboration at the moment for a Hunger Games story, so if you're interested please go to FireflyLlama's page and she has a link on her profile . . . we still need a few spots filled!**

**It is not a SYOT, so be prepared. It's a forum that you have to apply to and make deadlines to send chapters in. It is professional, but it seems very fun.**

**I do not own the Mortal Instruments in any way, shape, or form.**

* * *

I_ open my mouth in awe as a butterfly flies past me and into the wheat. It was a monarch. I was sure of it._

_Momma had told me a lot about animals and I already loved them. It was my favorite thing besides weapons, which Momma had told me was not exactly for little girls to play with._

_She'd also called me a brat, so I learned not to listen to her._

_I chase after the butterfly, mesmerized by it's beautiful orangey color and black markings. The tall wheat surrounds me in long wisps and blends in with my light brown hair and creamy dress, making me almost invisible to everything around me._

_"Finally," I breathe as I cup the butterfly in my awaiting hands._

_I am so excited I run back to the house as fast as I can. I stumble over everything in my way, but the small but fitting work boots that are on my feet prevent me from seriously hurting myself. Momma tried to make me wear flats, but I argued until she let me wear the work boots._

_Our bargain was work boots or going barefoot, and she loved shoes. I liked going barefoot more than anything in the world._

_Momma calls me a "tom" a lot. I don't get it, but she seems like she does. She says it all the time to me._

_"Momma!" I call as loud as I can once I reach the house. My knees are raw and bloodied, but I don't care._

_The animal in my hand is the only thing I'm focused on and nothing is going to change that._

_I slow down as I get nearer to the house, I realize nobody has came out yet. I am quite the clumsy child, so my parents usually come running when I call._

_Knowing the door is locked, I clumsily climb through the dog door that belonged to our dog, Hettie. I brush off my dress quickly._

_Momma wouldn't be happy if there was wrinkles on the dress, especially if she saw the dirt stains that covered it from the hem to the neckline._

_"Mo-" I'm tackled to the ground before I can finish my sentence and dragged into the closet. I start to struggle and squeal as I'm dragged, but I hear a small voice._

_ "Shut up."_

_I relax in her arms as she closes the closet door. It's just Lisel._

_Lisel is a short, skinny girl only a little older than my age five. She has blonde hair and small, button-like features with baby blue eyes that completed the "innocent" look. I am always jealous of her- I have dark blue eyes and light brown hair with more pronounced features than her and a taller build._

_My parents took her in as a foster child at the age of one, so we were pretty close in terms of friendship._

_"Something is wrong," she says quietly. It's hard to notice, but I crane my head slightly and hear the quiet sound of chatter nearing us._

_I scoot back away from the door slightly when I hear a loud thump near the door. Something warm and sticky coats my boots and the bottom of my dress. I move away from it, but it coats my hands too._

_Under further inspection, I find it's coming from the bottom of the door. If I __could just get some light I'd be able to find out what the stuff is._

_So I open the door ever so slightly and scream at the sight before me._

_It is blood. And it's pooling from my mother's corpse._

_I can't even scream before Lisel drags me into the closet and clamps a firm hand over my mouth. I close my eyes chanting slowly, "Carissa Nightwine is not dead."_

_But I knew that was a lie. And so did Lisel when she started to cry._

* * *

I woke up with a start, breathing heavily. My first thought was, _where the hell is Lisel? _I slowly threw the covers off of myself and padded out the door.

"Liss?" I called slowly, desperately awaiting an answer.

With a start I realized I wasn't at the manor or an orphanage. I was back at the New York institute, just where I had been last night.

Lisel was back at the orphanage, probably wondering how I was doing and where I had been sent.

I started to cry from the shock of the dream I had just experienced. It had happened- and I had relived it so vividly that I actually believed it was real. The butterfly, the blood, even how Lisel and I looked as children.

I was all to close to my family in that dream. And they were all but given to me while I was there.

I wanted Lisel- I wanted Momma- I wanted Daddy-

_All _of the people I loved.

I slammed my head against the wall repeatedly until I couldn't take the pain anymore.

_You're breaking Lana. Stop thinking about the past._

_ "_If I hadn't bloody screamed, my dad would be alive," I mumbled. I hardly realized when someone grabbed me by my shoulders and gently led me back into my bedroom.

I looked up at Matthew, who had set me in bed and was leaning over me.

"It should have been me," I whispered quietly, more tears rolling down my face. He looked momentarily pained.

"You know that when I say you're nothing to me, I'm lying?" I said, hiccuping with every word. "I don't hate you, Matthew. I really don't."

I wasn't exactly expecting an answer in my delusional state, but I was minorly dissapointed when all I heard was a simple, "It's the demon'a poison."

i had never been bitten, scratched, or poisoned by a demon in my entire life. What the hell was he talking about.

"Lana, you have to snap out of it. A raum demon got you good last night- it's giving you these feelings."

"But Matt-" I started to whine, but was cut off when my face was viciously whipped to the side.

He had slapped me.

Matthew freaking Herondale had slapped me.

His hand had just cracked against the left side of my face.

And I was _pissed._

Before either of us could blink, I reached up and punched him as hard as I could. He seemed mildly pleased, even when blood started seeping out between his fingers.

"You're a real masochist, aren't you," I hissed even though I was mildly pleased at the damage I had done. He took a stele from one of his jean pockets and began to draw an iratze on his left hand.

"You want me to do it again. If so, I'd be more than happy-"

"Shut up, Lana. You don't intimidate me."

"You little-"

"Language."

I tried to glare at him, but I couldn't. The men in this family were so irritating- so hard to talk to. My fist clenched behind my back as Matthew started to talk.

"So what was all of that about your father's death being your fault?" He asked, a smirk on his face.

_Now _he was trying to push my buttons.

"And about you _liking me?_"

_Matthew freaking-_

"Who's Liss?"

"Herondale!" I screeched, tackling him to the ground. As an angry ball of fury, I could do lots of things. Many of them including beating up teenaged boys.

And by many, I meant _all _of them.

I pinned his arms to his sides and smirked in triumph.

But of course, the infamous Matthew Herondale had to ruin it.

"You know, some guys would find this sexy," he drawled, his signature annoying gracing his face. "I'm one of them."

"I thought you didn't like me," I scoffed as my grip tightened over his forearms. He seemed to take the answer into thought before simply smiling.

"I think you're beautiful," he said. I almost felt touched for a moment, but then he had to ruin it once again.

"But only for a fling."

I should _really _give him an award for that.

I glared at him, but was cut short when a pair of lips crashed into mine. I stayed unmoving due to the shock of the situation, but kissed back after I'd gotten used to the feeling.

Fire- that was all I could feel. Passionate fire, burning all around us.

I loved it- I _craved it._

Suddenly, I was pushed off Matthew's body as he stood up. I sat there looking like a fool, touching my swollen lips as he started to walk out the door.

"Just a fling?" I asked hoarsely, my voice cracking multiple times during the sentence.

He nodded.

I didn't exactly like the word fling, but I was in heaven. It was like someone had given me painkillers; I was confused, but happy. I wanted more of huge painkiller, but had to pay a big price to get it.

He wouldn't break _my _heart. I wouldn't let him.

But when the time came to get married and have children would he be by my side? I sure as hell wasn't ending up a housewife with multiple children and an abusive husband.

For the rest of the day, I sat there trying to figure out how the hell my day had been so short but so filled with crazy things I couldn't explain.

I finally came to the conclusion I was a generally weird person. A magnet for craziness if that's a better word for it.

And I was perfectly happy with whatever the magnet attracted.

* * *

**This was kind of a hurried chapter, but I'm mildly satisfied with it. Is it too fast?**

**I'm not really sure if the fling thing was too fast, but just let me know. People reviewing and telling me they like the story really helps me update and motivates me every day.**

**Thanks to anyone who reviews!**

**Toodles,**

**Anna**


	6. Pests Of All Species

**A/N: I've been extremely busy between school and sports, trying to keep up with work in school and studying (which hasn't been going to well for me). This is kind of just a short little filler to keep you guys reading. Anyways, I just wanted to get something in.**

* * *

"Izzy, get it!" I screeched, my arms frantically waving at the giant spider on the wall. The thing was brown and black and as round as my thumb- it had to die. I couldn't function with something like that on the wall. I could hardly focus with an _ant _on the wall. So how the hell was I supposed to ignore the giant spider inching it's way down the wall?

It could _not _get on the floor or I would definitely have a heart attack.

I cringed as I heard the sickening squelch of the spider being hit with a magazine. "I _hate _that sound," I ground out, a bit relieved by the demon spawn being killed, but still irked by the sound.

Matthew turned from hit spot on the wall, magazine raised in spite. "You hate spiders, but you hate the sound of someone squashing them for you?"

"Mucho Exacto, my friend," I replied, crossing my arms.

Izzy decided to cut in when Matthew's mouth opened to snap at me. "Thank goodness you got that spider. There was no way in hell I was getting within a five foot radius of it." Matthew immediately closed his mouth.

She _needed _to teach me how she shuts him up- it's like she hypnotized him into silence.

Goodness knows I needed to close his mouth whenever I could.

Matthew thought for a minute before speaking slowly, as if his aunt would beat him if he said the wrong thing. "So my cousin's are coming over, and my siblings are also coming home today," he said, crossing his arms. "We'll be having dinner tonight. I was supposed to tell you this earlier, but you annoyed me to the point I forgot what I was supposed to say."

I grinned at him. "I annoy you?"

"Is that the _only _thing you got out of that sentence?" He said, slapping a hand over his face. Before I could answer, he put his hand up as if he was telling a car to stop at a red light.

"They most likely have their partners already, so do _not _be embarrassing. My sister is extremely protective of me, also. So if you want to make any little sarcastic comments towards me, think again."

"Matthew!" Izzy scolded loudly, her mouth turned down into a warning scowl.

"I _wish _I could squish you like the spider," I mumbled. He glared at me with a face like molten lava.

I smirked at his reaction. Typical, cocky jerk.

As I walked away I thought, _behave my arse. A pig is going to tell me what to do before he does._

Right at that moment, I had made a vow. He was going to learn that I wasn't to be treated with rudeness. I was to be treated with respect and courtesy, just like the rest of his family.

* * *

For the occasion, I'd dressed fancier than usual. I hardly ever wore dresses, but today was the one special day that I decided to. The blue material stretched over my upper body like a silk blanket flared out at the bottom with a lace flowery design covering it.

I was also about four inches taller than I usually was, making me a whopping five-eleven.

"What do you think of me now?" I said, doing a little twirl in the mirror.

_Well applied makeup?_

_Check._

_Hair curled?_

_Check._

_Dress and heels?_

_Check._

_Dignity and pride?_

_ . . . Check._

All of those things were things I have never had before- accept for the dress of course. Heels, makeup, and hair-doing really wasn't my thing. I had never been one to care about appearance that much, accept for when I was going to be around hoards of people all day. Then and _only _then was anything but mascara worn.

_Sucker won't know what hit him in his pretty little head._

I walked out with the confidence of a pure-bred animal. It wasn't even hard to fake the smile on my face, either. Was this what it felt like to be a teenaged mundane?

Probably.

I'd followed the trail of scuffs I'd made on the floor back into the living room, internally laughing at the fact I probably looked stupid as hell at the moment. I continued shuffling until I heard a few voices laughing in what I assumed was the foyer.

Remember, _assumed. _I still had no idea which room was which in this institute.

_Make yourself presentable, _I thought quickly as I got nearer to the door. I set my hands together in front of me, my hands clasped in a way I thought looked regal.

"Sorry," I said slowly, reaching the entrance. "I get lost really easily around here."

Matthew looked skeptical that I had even came. Most of them just- stared.

It was like someone had put a spell over the room . . . complete silence fell over the room.

_Lana, you idiot. What the hell did you do?_

I cleared my throat. "I'm Alana Nightwine-" Matthew's expression turned hopeful at my first words. "Nice to meet you all."

"I'm assuming you're Matthew's siblings," I pointed at the redheaded girl and another blonde boy that looked around Matthew's age. "And you," I directed my words at the two dark-haired teens, a girl and a boy, sitting beside some other kids I didn't recognize. "Are Izzy and Simon's kids?"

I wasn't sure if I wanted to be happy at how polite I sounded or I wanted to be scared. By the Angel, I was a shadowhunter, not a freaking miracle worker.

_Or you're a miracle worker disguised as a shadowhunter._

I _really _needed to talk to myself less in these situations.

It was extremely awkward until the girl I didn't know spoke. She was medium height with bright blonde hair and ocean blue eyes. She had extremely sharp features and was extremely tiny- so tiny, I could almost call her skinnier than Clary. I couldn't recognize her by her looks- so obviously I hadn't been introduced to her parents.

"I'm Jordan Lightwood," she said, hopping up from her seat and holding out her hand. "Matthew's older cousin." But she looked nothing like Izzy! I didn't think there was another Lightwood . . .

"You don't look like Izzy," I blurted suddenly, not aware I had even opened my mouth.

"Nope," she answered, extending the 'o'. "I'm Izzy's brother's adopted daughter though. Does that explain anything?"

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. You basically just asked an adopted child why she doesn't look like her parents!_

After that, I could only muster a simple, "Nice to meet you."

Finally, I had made a conclusion. It was going to be a _long _afternoon.


	7. Family Sucks

**I'm creating a review goal for every chapter now, just so I can have a set goal every chapter. I'm hoping for a minimum of 3 reviews for this chapter before I update the story again.**

**This chapter is exactly 1,101 words, excluding the author notes.**

**Anyways, I do not own the Mortal Intruments. The glorious original book belongs to Cassandra Clare.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"You know what that means, right?" I heard for the millionth time that night. The sad thing was I didn't know whether the person thought I was stupid or just didn't get the inside jokes. Either way, I understood every single word they said.

Even if _they _didn't know I did.

"Yes," I grumbled. It was a rude reply, but a reply nonetheless.

I was currently surrounded by some of the most annoying creatures I'd ever met. It made sense since they were Matthew's cousins, but for The Angel's sake, if I heard another remark about my height, personality, or appearance I was going to punch somebody. By somebody, I specifically meant Matthew's sister, Celia.

She was as irritating as hell. I was constantly tapping my fingers and tapping my foot to keep myself busy, but Celia would open and close her mouth until everyone stopped talking so she could talk. Even I stopped for her. That mouth opening was extremely creepy and certainly attracted the attention to her.

Maybe I would have liked her if she stopped talking about me 'having babies with her little brother', but even she knew that wasn't going to happen.

So I resorted to leaning back quietly, all of my pride and dignity being sucked back into the rabbit-hole it had came out of.

I only listened to the conversation when I heard my name mentioned. It took me a minute to figure out _why _they had mentioned my name, but then I realized Celia was talking. There was no question why she was talking about me; it was always some remark about me or a comment on Matthew's relationship with me.

Yet I still kept listening, despite the nagging feeling that I once again wouldn't like what she said.

"Have you two ever kissed, Alana?" She asked, her sickly sweet voice rising to a higher pitch than it already was.

I crossed my arms. "Well if we're going to be 'having babies' we better have, or we're screwed."

Dottie, who was Isabelle's daughter, cut in before Celia could say anything else. "Cely, that's their business. You shouldn't be prying."

Her brother, Toby, nodded in agreement as did Jordan and her brother Nathaniel. I just pursed my lips, despite Matthew's hardened gaze penetrating the side of my face like knives. He knew every bit of the 'proper lady' act had been thrown out of the window and I wasn't going to be overly polite anymore. That wasn't to good on his part. For all I knew, he was screwed because his sister would be angry about my talking back to her.

"I'm bored," Celia interrupted quickly. She was clearly not fond of being scolded, so she had changed subjects as fast as she possible could. _Skank._

_I'm Lana, it's so nice to meet you, Bored. _I wanted to reply so badly, in spite of the fact it'd probably start trouble. I held my tongue for Matthew's sake, though.

"I'm going to bed, if anyone would like to join," I said loudly, gazing at Matthew while wiggling my eyebrows and biting my lip for effect. I knew it'd bother Celia and probably everyone else except the guy's in the room, so I did it all the more dramatically, swinging my hips as I did so.

When I was on my way out, I was surprised to hear the sound of Matthew getting up and following me out of the room. I hadn't meant for him to _follow _me, just have his family under the impression we were up to no good.

His footsteps persisted as I navigated back to my bedroom. I bit my lip, one part of me hoping for him to keep coming, and the other wanting him to go back to the living room. I hardly turned when I heard him call my name, but I stopped dead in my tracks.

Al I could think was: _I'm either going to get yelled at or be made out with._

The latter probably was the better option, even though being yelled at seemed pretty damn good in that moment.

"Lana!" He said, his voice closer this time. He spun me around by my arm, turning me to face him.

"I assume you gave up on being polite?" He asked simply, a question he already knew the answer to.

Instead of answering him, I answered with a simple, "Assume makes an ass out of you and me."

He looked like he was about to yell for a minute, a little purple vein making an appearance on his temple. Then, his expression changed into something softer, almost sympathetic. I crossed my arms, wondering what possibly could have clouded his anger.

"What happened to being nice to each other?" He asked, mirroring my stance.

I smiled softly. "Nothing happened. I'm just generally not a polite person, if you haven't noticed already."

"The sarcasm again," he sighed. I wanted to laugh in his face and dance a jig. He'd finally realized I could _not _change, especially for his sake.

"You've caught on."

I turned to walk into the next hallway, but he spun me around so I was facing him. He dipped his head down to capture my lips with his. I wanted it, but at the same time a bad feeling was building in my stomach. I found myself suddenly moving from between his arms.

"Not now, Matthew," I said quickly, trying to turn again.

"Lana, come on. Just one kiss," he replied, latching onto my arm again.

"I'm uncomfortable with this," I admitted, once again yanking my arm back from his grasp.

I had just realized how _bad _this was. We were supposed to be a 'pair', but I felt like everything was moving so fast. It had hardly been a month since I'd met him and we had already taken to kissing in the hallways, which was _definitely _not okay. Lisel definitely would have never approved either, which made the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach rise to my throat.

_I think your beautiful. _His words replayed in my head. _But only for a fling._

I had been so dazed that say I hadn't realized the reality in those words. There was nothing that actually connected us; all we had was kissing in the hallway and that we were paired together to make more potential shadowhunters to '_save our race_'.

"Just one-" he begged reaching out for me.

I pushed away from him, walking the opposite way down the hall. "_No._"

He didn't press the conversation any further, and for that I was glad.

* * *

**Remember, I am going for a minimum 3 reviews from my readers to put up the next chapter.**

**Toodles,  
Anna**


	8. Unfeeling

**Busy, busy, busy! That's all I can say about my updating habits. I'm generally an easily distracted person, so I'll write part of a chapter, leave it, and come back to it after a _long _while. I'm going to try to be more consistent with updates, but it may or may not happen.**

**_Also, _we didn't get to our review goal last update. My goal was three, but we only got two. I was just trying to set goals for myself, not my readers, so it doesn't exactly matter if I get that much. I appreciate each review that I get, whether it's one review, three reviews, or twenty.**

**Thank you to _both _of my Guest reviewers.**

**My goal for this chapter is to get up to 12-14 reviews. Can we do that, guys?**

**Anyhow, I don't own the Mortal Instruments. I only own Matt, Lana, and any other characters that don't appear in the original books.**

* * *

I let _little,_ strained breaths escape my mouth as I walked down the hallway. Everything was so- _fast. _It wasn't hard to say I had been lost in my own little fantasy and hadn't realized how things were speeding up. I wanted them to _slow down._

I wanted to sleep as long as possible; anything would be better than consciousness.

Something deep told me to spare a glance back. It was just a peek to make sure that nobody was behind me, but suddenly I was falling forward, landing on flat on my stomach with an ungraceful huff. I had tripped over a box while I was not paying attention and I couldn't help but let tears sting at the back of my eyes. The incident wasn't anything to cry about, but the I could feel the stress slowly rising to my head; it was making me mad.

I was trying to be _perfect. _I was trying to _hide. _Matthew had made it perfectly clear that he didn't like me when he first met me and what we had was just civility with '_special' _benefits. That wasn't what I wanted.

I wanted a working husband; possibly a full-time shadowhunter with a kind disposition and shining eyes, a quaint house filled with modernized furniture, and two children; a girl and a boy named Cara and Michael. Not only that, but I wanted _happiness. _Not the happiness I got from every meaningless kiss. I shook my head at my fantasies, refusing to cry, There were no fantasies at this point, it was marry or die.

Personally, I would have chosen to die, but it wasn't really my decision to make.

I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes to ward away an incoming migraine. I was letting everything get to me- and for what? It wasn't like I was getting married and having children next week or anything. There was time to work things out before things got serious- we needed to 'start a life' by the time we were twenty. We had _time._

I could almost hear my mother's harsh, strict voice in my head. _Do not **ever **let anyone break you down. You haven't cried since you were very young, Alana, so why start now?_

It wasn't hard for me to let out a breathy laugh as a last attempt of getting myself together. The woman had always been so harsh and unforgiving to me. She had always wanted me to be a proper young woman, but at the same time she wanted me to feel _nothing._

If I fell, I was expected to feel nothing.

If I screamed, I _expected _to be punished.

If I cried, I didn't expect any sympathy from her.

That was the reason that I didn't want kids. I didn't ever want to treat them how she had treated me- and I was sure I would adapt my mother's attitude when they got old enough. _Nothing _could let me torture a child as much as my mother had me.

I pushed myself away from against the wall I had leaned against. The only other time I had ever been like this was when my mother died. no matter how much I hated the wench, she was still my mother and I was forced to 'love' the woman no matter how far gone she was.

Although I had thought of my mother, Lisel's face made an appearance in my wandering mind. Her angelic face that was hidden by a halo of bleach-blonde hair and baby blue eyes was staring into me- though me, and into my conscience.

I knew I was truly insane when I decided to reply to the face. _I'm a sucker for romance, Liss. You know that as well as I do, but I'm scared._

_Alana Carissa Nightwine is **scared**? That's hilarious!_

I rubbed my head in contempt.

_Do you have a partner, Liss?_

Imaginary Liss didn't care to answer that question. She didn't reply to the second one I asked, either. Or the one that came after that.

I really was crazy, wasn't I?

Somehow after the conclusion, I ended up in a car with my foot slamming the gas petal. Thank _goodness _that I had taken driving lessons with a mundane instructor; my driving was bad enough without instruction, but I had gotten slightly better lately. I couldn't help but think I should have asked someone before plucking the keys off of the kitchen counter. The keys had a little _Matt _clip-on added to the keyring. He was going to be royally _pissed._

I was already a pain in his ass, what did I have to lose?

I hardly contemplated that as I pulled into the orphanage's parking lot. Parking took me quite a while, but I eventually manages to pull into a space. Luckily, I was the only car there. About ninety-nine percent of all shadowhunters didn't use cars, so I didn't have any people to worry about rear-ending or running over.

The second I walked in, the woman at the desk bombarded me. I recognized her as Gladys, the woman who handled the admissions and dismissals.

"Alana!" She shouted gleefully, rushing from her place behind the desk to hug me. I gladly accepted the affectionate gesture, holding her about as tightly as she held me.

"Hey, Gladys," I said, smiling.

"What are you here for?" She asked, her eyes regarding me curiously.

"Lisel," I replied simply.

"Oh, she was just here! She came to talk to me a few minutes ago." Oh, Lisel. Always the socialite; she was so friendly that nobody could ever refuse talking to her.

I got ready to reply to her, but suddenly I heard a small voice. "Al?"

There was only _one _single person in this world that could call me _Al _instead of Lana. And that person was . . .

"Liss?"

* * *

**I'm splitting this into three parts because I want to get something up for you guys to read and I have work to do. I'll try to make the next chapter more progressive and longer.**

**Toodles,  
Anna**


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